Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Pyros hit at the top of the ramp all the way down to the ring and on the ring posts as Full House begins. The crowd are going bonkers all over the arena and there isn't a fan in his seat in this packed 18500 person arena.
JOEY STYLES: WELCOME Ladies and Gentlemen to VWF FULL HOUSE. I'm Joey Styles. This is P. Lickin. And we have a full set of action packed matches set for tonight.
P. LICKIN: And after the show, I have a full set of action, packing...
JOEY STYLES: P.!
P. LICKIN: What? I have to pack my bags for Japan.
(-(-(
The lights dim in the Arena as rolling thunder can be heard throughout the arena. "Don't Hate Me" by Nerf Herder starts to play. The lights begin to flash dark red. A single red lightning bolt comes from the ceiling to the top of the ramp, there are Alex Thunder and Chris Monsoon standing there, looking out. The two of them come down the ramp to a chorus of boos as they smirk and roll in the ring.
JOEY STYLES: Alex Thunder and Chris Monsoon do NOT look like they are in a good mood tonight, P.
P. LICKIN: Well, they lost to The LaRoque's last week, so they probably are looking to get some of that aggression out of their system. And if I was in that ring, I'd be "F'ing Scared" too.
Thunder and Monsoon stand in front of Tazz and Phoenix. Phoenix is cowering behind Tazz, who sticks his chin out in defiance. Thunder and Monsoon play paper, scissors, rocks, and Thunder wins. Monsoon exits the ring as Thunder and Tazz circle each other. The bell rings and they lock up. Thunder shoves Tazz off into the corner, and laughs. They lock up again, and this time Tazz shoves Thunder back into the corner. Tazz laughs as he backs off, mugging for the crowd. Tazz turns around, and Thunder hits him with LIGHTNING! Tazz collapses in a heap as Thunder covers. The ref counts ".1 ..2 ...3!!!" Phoenix faints on the apron.)-)-)
Vs.
"F'ing Scared"
Tazz and Phoenix
Kyle Bacon: I'm here with uhh...1/3 of the Tag Team Champions, Brad Jones and uhhh...Herbal Red??
Brad: Nice mathmatical skills Bacon.
Bacon: So tell me, why is he in his suit and you aren't?
Brad: To protect his secret identity of course!
Bacon: What about you?
Brad: All Black people look the same.
Bacon: But you're not black. You're one of the whiter people around here.
Brad: And thus my secret is safe.
O.O
Bacon: Anyway, it seems The Wrasslin Rangers are pretty popular this month. Donny Backlist and Maximillon Vandel the Third have been named new #1 contenders to the Tag Team Titles, and then last week on Cruxification as well, Earl Altoona vowed to make a name for himself at expense of The Rangers.
Herbal: Altoona? Isn't that a city in Pennsylvania?
Brad: No way. Altoona is such a stupid name, no city would dare be called that.
Herbal: I'll prove it!
Herbal Recycled Red walks off the scene.
Brad: Big Earl is really causing a comotion with The Rangers. As you all well know, Lightning Yellow challenged me to a footrace to the end of the universe and back. Suffice to say I won.
Bacon: You cheated.
Brad: Precisely. But Pretty Pink, he's a different story. He's been affraid to show up to VWF events because of this ugly menance. Pretty Pink is afraid to catch the ugly.
Bacon: Is ugly contagious?
Brad: Absolutely. What you guys fail to realize, is that we have been saving the world weekly. We defeated Lord Zoid, but their's a new threat. The Censorship Empire. It's goals is to make VWF PG programming, and allow The Viking King to run for office in Alaska.
Bacon: What will that last part accomplish?
Brad: I do not know. What I do know is that since we save the world on a weekly basis, we can handle a few bullies. Tonight, Blue and his talking car will have a match against Ulgy and Ugly Connection. And I will be there to make sure it's all legit...and maybe swipe a few credit cards. I don't know. As long as I do my part to make sure VWF doesn't become PG.
With that, Brad walks away. Kyle Bacon then realizes that he stole his wallet...and his belt. Shit.
(The VWF goes to commercial...)
(The VWF returns from commercial...)
(-(-(
From the opening bell it seemed all but hopeless for the Rangers. Blue and Altoona begin the match, with Timothy Kahrs watching excitedly at ringside as Altoona lays into Blue with heavy lefts and rights. He picks Blue up and whips him against the ropes, hitting a clothesline on the rebound before going for the cover: 1, 2…kickout by Blue, who tags in Silver. Silver jumps into the ring, only to be shut down by Altoona with a spinebuster before he tags in Wilson. Silver gets up, and Wilson starts throwing heavy right hands into unusually large "man," throwing Silver out of the ring.
JOEY STYLES: An impressive showing from the debuting Brevin Wilson so far, P.
P LICKIN: Absolutely, but does this match seem to be going a little…quickly, for you?
JOEY STYLES: No, why?
P LICKIN: Never mind, must be that diarrhea kicking in again.
JOEY STYLES: …
Wilson taunts Silver to get back into the ring before distracting the ref, allowing Altoona to connect with a big boot to Silver's head. He rolls Silver back into the ring and Wilson goes for the cover: 1, 2…Blue breaks up the pin! Blue pulls Wilson off Silver, whipping him against the ropes…but on the rebound, Wilson smashes his elbow into Blue's face, forcing him out of the ring. With Blue out of the way, Wilson tags in Altoona, who picks Silver up for the Head Shot…but Wilson shoves Altoona!
JOEY STYLES: Looks like Wilson doesn't want Altoona to pick up the win here!
Altoona and Wilson begin arguing over who should pin Silver when Blue jumps into the ring, going for a hurricarana on Altoona! Altoona won't have any of it though, and powerbombs Blue into the canvas as Wilson steps back onto the apron. Silver is now back on his feet when Altoona grabs him, delivering the Greetings From Altoona! Altoona gets up, ready to deliver the Head Shot again when Wilson slaps him on the back.
JOEY STYLES: Blind tag by Wilson!
P LICKIN: And Altoona really looks pissed now!
Altoona glares at Wilson, who jumps into the ring and delivers a rolling elbow he calls the WTF! He covers Silver, as Blue finally starts to come to: ".1 ..2 ...3!!!" The fans are booing heavily as the ref raises Wilson's and Altoona's arms. Blue comes to the aid of his fellow Ranger, when Altoona kicks Wilson in the gut and delivers the Head Shot! Blue drags Silver out of the ring before any more damage is done, and we see Altoona staring down at Wilson before we cut away.
)-)-)
Vs.
"Tag-Team"
Earl Altoona and Brevin Wilson
(The VWF goes to commercial...)
(The VWF returns from commercial...)
After the tag match between the Wrasslin Rangers and Altoona and Breven, the fans at the arena understood that the next match was going to be a triple threat match for the #1 contendership for the Pan-Pacific Championship. The shocking turn of events at the last Crucifiction still had the crowd abuzz as to what was going on with the current champion, Kamikaze, and his dastardly actions against the Cabo-Wabo Champion, Leon "Purple" Hayze. Seeing how both men would be competing at Birthday Bash, the crowd figured that they would learn more at the pay-per-view.
Suddenly, the lights in the arena go dark. After about thirty seconds of no light, the usual catcalls can be heard and some fans whisper about a power outage. Instead, we begin to hear a synthesized vocal chorus through the loudspeakers. Eventually, a beat is included with the chorus, until eventually it turns into a full synth song.
A single spotlight appears and is planted at the entrance ramp in the meanwhile and begins to flash, corresponding to the beat. The fans interests were now rising as this music was unfamiliar to them. However, they wouldn't be left in the dark for much longer. As the music reached a fever pitch, the Pan Pacific Champion and newly self-made heel, Kamikaze, emerged from the backstage area.
Wearing a open dress shirt and pants, along with black sunglasses and silver chains underneath the dress shirt, the young Japanese wrestler looked much different than in previous appearances. As the music fades away, we see Kamikaze still standing under the spotlight, as the crowd begins to realize fully who had just appeared and begin to boo and jeer. Showing no emotion towards the crowd, the Japanese wrestler stands immobile for a few minutes, letting the boos wash over him like a wave.
After allowing this for a few minutes, Kamikaze slowly raises a single hand in the air, before giving a snap of his fingers, immediately bringing light to the formerly darkened arena. At this, he began to show a small sneer in reaction to the crowd, whose boos had intensified with the reemergence of light. Beginning to walk down the ring, the shaded Kamikaze ignored the crowd as he went down the aisle. Forgoing the actual entering of the ring, Kamikaze instead moved towards the announcer's table whereupon he grabbed a free chair and motioned for a microphone, which was handily given to him.
Sliding the chair into the ring, Kamikaze now walked up the steel steps and stepped through the ropes, entering the squared circle of the VWF. Taking hold of the chair, the Japanese wrestler planted it in the center of the ring and takes a seat, allowing himself now the full smile he had been waiting to release, towards another chorus of boos from the crowd. As the camera was kept trained on the Pan-Pacific Champion, Kamikaze raised his hand once again and snapped his fingers. In response, once again the arena was plunged in darkness, save for the center of the ring, where the single spotlight had moved to the Japanese wrestler's new location. As the jeers once again begin in earnest, Kamikaze smiles and raises the microphone to his lips.
"Watashi ga itte hajimemashou..."
The Pan-Pacific Champion lowers his mic and begins to laugh in earnest for a few seconds, before returning the microphone to his lips and continuing.
"Nope, doesn't work. Don't have a subtitle guy in the ring with me for you, the uneducated masses of the United States, to understand me so I will actually be the bigger person here and actually lower myself and use a barbarian language like English for once, just to make sure I get my point across."
Huge boos and jeers fill the arena while a small chant of "USA" begins out in the upper level area of the arena. The Pan-Pacific Champion just lets the crowd boo and jeer for a few moments, before shrugging his shoulders and moving on.
"Let me introduce myself. My name is Ishida Kobayashi. In the ring, you people know me as Kamikaze, and I am YOUR Pan-Pacific Champion."
The fans try to get in another jeer session in, but Kamikaze ignores them and continues along.
"Ever since the last Crucifiction, where I decimated the so-called Cabo-Wabro Champ Leon "Purple" Hayze and spit on his belt, I have been getting calls for interviews left and right from reporters on both sides of the Pacific. It seems everyone wants to know what is going through the mind of the Japanese Daredevil for him to do such a thing. And I promised all of them that I would respond to all their queries tonight on Full House so Mr. Viking King, if you happen to see your ratings go through the roof for this segment, you know who to thank for it and yes, I'll take cash."
As the crowd breaks into a chant of "SHUT THE FUCK UP" Kamikaze couldn't help but laugh once again, this time in the microphone and nodded at the audience before continuing.
"Sure, sure. All this time, you all want me to talk. You wanted to get into the mind of the fastest rising foreign wrestler this side of the Pacific. You begged. You pleaded. Well, here I am, trust me, in all my glory. And you see, it's very simple to actually understand why I did what I did. But in order to do so, you'd have to actually use that thing you call a brain instead of drinking cheap-tasting but expensive priced beer in the arena. So I'll try and go slow, for your benefit."
"Ever since I started wrestling for the Viking Wrestling Federation, I've always been tagged as a special individual. Hell, after my first match I was placed in a tag match with the World Champion in Jonny Cedrone, and other main eventers in Alexia and Scott Dibiase. So imagine my disdain, when I suddenly find my meteoric rise put on hold, as time and time again, I'm stuck facing the same crop of opponents, at the forefront of which, is our resident drug addict champion, or champion drug addict it works either way, Leon Hayze."
The crowd cheers for the mention of the Cabo-Wabo Champion as they begin to chant "LEON HAYZE" Kamikaze lets them have their moment, even taunting them by raising his arms up, telling them to chant even louder, before putting the microphone to his lips again.
"See, this is what I am talking about. People like Leon Hayze getting the same pop, the same cheer, as a wrestler of my caliber is a travesty, a disgrace. I came out here every night and gave you all what you wanted, no questions asked. You wanted me to land some sick backwards inverted flying whatever, no problem. You wanted me to climb to the top rope and hit some poor fool with Divinity, sure. I gave and I gave, and you just kept asking for more. Meanwhile, I keep getting paired up with some idiot who calls himself a "White Boy Luchadore" and not only do I kick his ass once, I kick his ass again, and again, and again! But not only does he not take the hint and leave, he gets as much praise as I do, hell, he even gets a title belt in a losing effort against me, just because he rolls up some has-been like Crimson Lightning."
"And it's not just Hayze, either. Our tag team champions are men in power ranger costumes for crying out loud. We keep signing freaks like Nobody or Mysterious, or wastes of space like Buzz Kruger and Thomas Liger and where does that leave me? I'll tell you. It leaves me with the problem that I mentioned before, facing the same opponents, stuck at the same level, because I can't utterly destroy someone in the ring time and again, and move up the card. Just isn't going to happen. You people will get bored, which means you'll turn of the channel. That means ratings go down and that means that my stock diminishes, not just here in the VWF, but around the world."
"In fact, let's see what we have coming up, shall we? The next contest is a triple threat match between Mysterious, Jose Ramon, and Stephan Saint. So we have an idiot who thinks himself some sort of dark lord in Mysterious, a way too overrated Jose Ramon, and a generic nothing to remember face in Stephen Saint. And this match is for the number one contendership for my title? Yeah, this will really got the revenue flowing, because people really want to see one of these three losers go up against the Rising Sun of the VWF."
At this point, the Pan-Pacific Champion rises from his chair and leans on the ring ropes facing the hard camera before continuing.
"So here's how it's going to go. Forget about the Japanese Daredevil. You're looking at just a Japanese Devil. And at Birthday Bash, I'm going to prove to each and everyone of you people that not only is what I'm saying one hundred percent true, I'm going to take that Middleweight Medal of Valor that is rightfully mine, and I am going to take the next step in my career, main eventing cards left and right, until the management here begs me, BEGS ME, to face their World Champion in what is sure to make everyone, including me, lots of money."
As the crowd lets out a final jeer, Kamikaze turns to leave the ring, before deciding to change his mind and looks back at the camera for a final remark before his new ring music "Unlimited Blade Works" fills the arena once again.
"Oh and Leon, bro, don't take what I did too personal, bro. You're just in the way, bro. And everyone knows by now, the Divine Wind doesn't move for anyway. It just does what it wants."
(The VWF goes to commercial...)
(The VWF returns from commercial...)
(-(-(
"Still D.R.E." by Dr. Dre plays over the loud speaker. Stephan Saint walks out from behind the curtain both hands in the air jumping to each side of the entrance ramp trying to pump up the crowd. He walks down the ramp with a hop in his step. He slides under the bottom rope and runs to a turnbuckle and jumps up on it and raises his hand in the air.
JOEY STYLES: Stephan Saint, who is going up for the Eddie Guerrero Memorial Trophy this year, has really looked good despite a couple losses.
P. LICKIN: He reminds me of a younger me. Just not as good looking and a virgin. But either way, I have to agree with you, he's going to be doing some big things here if he stays healthy.
The arena goes dark…lights flicker here and there. Steam begin to rise from the stage and the ring. The mysterious appears walking slowly to the ring staring down his opponent. Smoke rises from beneath his ghostly robe. He gets to the ring and begins cackling. He slithers into the ring where he lays in the center. He slithers out of the robes revealing his wrestling attire. Fire rises from the stage. He laughs while pointing at the Saint...
JOEY STYLES: Mysterious is kind of an odd duck, isn't he?
P. LICKIN: Odd duck? Does he have any grapes?
JOEY STYLES: Grapes? Ducks? Commishioner Kahrs must have wrote this part...
P. LICKIN: I thought it was Capt. Josh Underpants?
JOEY STYLES: Who is that?
P. LICKIN: I DON'T KNOW!!!
The spotlights move all around the crowd as “Hate to Say I Told You So” hits. Pyros go off on the stage as a figure stands with his back turned to the crowd, arms outstretched. As he turns around, he pumps a fist and gestures to himself with the double thumb before making his way down the ring. However, before he even gets a step off the ramp, a couple of men come running out, grabbing Ramon from behind. They hit him a couple times, then drag him backstage...
JOEY STYLES: What the heck was that about?
(The referee confers for a moment, then signals for the bell to be rung. The two men circle as the bell rings and the match gets underway. Saint makes the first move and both men end up grappling. Mysterious manages to get Saint into an arm bar and forces Saint onto one knee. Saint fights to get out but Mysterious tightens the hold putting more pressure on Saint's arm and forcing him back down onto his knee. Mysterious tightens the hold some more but Saint gets back onto his feet and rams an elbow into his ribs. Saint elbows him a couple more times and finally breaks free of the hold. Saint shoots Mysterious into the ropes and goes for a back body drop but Mysterious stopes himself short and kicks Saint in the chest and hits a tornado DDT. Mysterious pulls Saint up and shoots him into the ropes. Saint comes back off the ropes and Mysterious goes for a clothesline but Saint ducks under it. Saint comes off the opposite ropes and Mysterious nails him with a drop kick send Saint down hard. Mysterious pulls Saint up by the hair and puts him in the corner. Mysterious climbs onto the second turnbuckle and begins to pound Saint with hard fists to the head. Mysterious gets four hard punches in before Saint manages to get counter with a headbutt to the stomach. With Mysterious momentarily stunned, Saint grabs him and slams him into the canvas. Both men are down but Saint is first to his feet, trying to steady himself. Mysterious gets to his feet and Saint slams an elbow into his back before he has chance to get back on his feet. Saint hits another elbow putting Mysterious down on his knee. Saint comes off the ropes and drop kicks Mysterious in the back of the head. Saint goes for an early pin, ...1 ...2, Mysterious kicks out)
JOEY STYLES: Mysterious showing great tenacity.
P. LICKIN: Tenacity? Word of the day toilet paper again, Joey?
(Saint pulls Mysterious up and executes a vertical suplex on him. Saint comes off the ropes and drops a knee to Mysterious's face. Mysterious rolls round the canvas holding his face as Saint gets back to his feet. Saint pulls Mysterious up by his hair. Saint puts Mysterious in the corner and chops him hard across the chest. The crowd "WOO!" as he hits another chop which leaves Mysterious holding his chest. He gets one more in before Mysterious counters with a rake down Saint's face. As Saint stumbles back holding his eyes Mysterious charges him and spears him into the mat. Both men are down for a short while but they both begin to get up at the same time. Mysterious is first to his feet as Saint is using the ropes to pull himself up. Mysterious charges at Saint but Saint ducks and pulls the top rope down with him, sending Mysterious head first over the top rope and onto the floor at ringside. Saint uses the the ropes as leverage and launches himself over the top rope, hitting a frogsplash on Mysterious, but the impact hurts Saint too and both men are left lying on the concrete ringside as the referee begins the count. ...1 Saint begins to stir a little. ...2 Mysterious begins to move. ...3 Saint starts pulling himself up on the ring apron. ...4 Saint is on his feet but seems to have hurt his right knee, Mysterious is just getting to his feet. Mysterious hits Saint with a hard right, ...5 Saint counters with one of his own, Mysterious comes back with another, then another, then, with Saint against the steel steps, ...6 takes a wind back for a really big fist to the head. As Mysterious launches, Saint ducks and Mysterious gets a closed fist full of steel turnbuckle. ...7 Saint winces as he stands up on his knee while Mysterious holds his fist in agony, as Mysterious turns round Saint kicks him in the stomach and rams his head into the apron. ...8 Saint rolls Mysterious back into the ring and slides in after him stopping the ref's count. Saint pulls Mysterious up and seems to be setting up for a piledriver but as he does, Mysterious low blows him and hits a DDT! Mysterious rolls onto Saint for a cover as the ref counts it. ...1 ...2, Saint kicks out, which seems to aggrivate his knee injury.)
JOEY STYLES: Saint isn't going to hold out forever with that bum knee...
P. LICKIN: You're a bum. Hey, look backstage!
(The Vikingtron shows backstage, where the men who grabbed Ramon drag him out to the loading docks. They take him in front of.... Ken Smith! Newly signed VWF Superstar, Ken Smith is standing there, smirking..)
KEN SMITH: So... soon as I get signed here, I find out that Jose Ramon is here. The same Jose Ramon that apparently told management I was a jerk to work with a few months back. Do you know how much that set me back? How much longer it took me to get here? How much... MONEY you cost me? Not to Ken Smith, my friend. No no no. This, I will not tolerate. I have no patience for people who will get in my way. And you, my friend, tried to get in my way. Put him in the car.
(With that, the twosome toss him in the trunk of a towncar sitting at the dock. They run over and get in one of the semi-trucks partked nearby and gun the motor. Driving forward, they ram the trunk with Jose Ramon inside. They jump out as Ken Smith tosses them a couple stacks of money from inside his jacket, and they run off. He smirks as he looks into the trunk, as Ramon is gritting his teeth, holding a leg that is obviously broken...)
KEN SMITH: That my friend, is why you do not cross me. You end up... hurt.
(Ken smirks as EMTs come rushing up. Jose Ramon spits at Ken Smith, who frowns as EMTs place Ramon on a gurnee. Smith mouths "Shouldn't have done that" as we return to the ring....)
(-(-(Mysterious gets to his feet, Saint soon follows as Mysterious pulls him up. Mysterious hooks the leg and looks to be going for a fishermans suplex but Saint blocks the move. Mysterious has another go but can't get Saint over. One more attempt but Saint counters with makeshift suplex of his own. Saint pulls Mysterious up and hits Saint DROP!!! Just as Saint is about to go for the cover, but now Ken Smith comes out, pushing Jose Ramon on the gurnee! Saint stands on the apron and hops down as Smith crashes the gurnee into the ring apron, sending Ramon flying off. Saint starts to yell at Ken Smith, when all of the sudden TD Alexander appears out of the crowd. Saint turns around, and Alexander waffles him with the Britannia Heavyweight Belt! Saint is down as Ken Smith picks Jose Ramon up, and shoots him into the steel stairs, hitting his leg. Ken Smith rolls Ramon into the ring as Mysterious shakes his head, clearing the cobwebs. He looks around, seeing Ramon down on the mat. He covers quickly. The ref counts .1...2....3... Mysterious rolls outside to celebrate as EMTs rush by a smiling Ken Smith to attend to Jose Ramon, who is passed out from the pain...
JOEY STYLES: That Ken Smith! He paid off hitmen and took out Jose Ramon!
P. LICKIN: I don't see how he can make the three legged race at this years annual picnic...
JOEY STYLES: And that damn TD Alexander screwed Stephan Saint out of HIS win too! He might have gotten Mysterious if it wasn't for his interference. Why?
P. LICKIN: Genius. Soften him up a few days before their match at the Bday Bash, and TD might have himself an easy win.
)-)-)
#1 Contender for the Pan Pacific Championship
(The VWF goes to commercial...)
(The VWF returns from commercial...)
Styles: Welcome back from commercial. We are set to see The LaRoque's and Shmelky's in action. Wait a moment I hear there is an altercation going on backstage.
In the backstage area a fight is indeed breaking out between Earl Altoona and the Red Ranger. Earl has a pipe and is beating his victim with it.
Altoona: Stay down, you…little…f*cker!
With every word Earl hits him again, but defiantly the Red Ranger continues to get back to his feet. Earl begins to kick him hard in the ribs and the head a crazed look in his eyes.
Ranger: Never!
The Red Ranger moans trying to get up again, but to the gut Earl goes with that pipe doubling over the Red Ranger. Earl brings his knee up into the Rangers skull knocking him down again and kicking him.
Earl: Just…stay…the…fuck…DOWN!
But no The Red Ranger, relentless in his pursuit to fight back, continues to try and get back to his feet. Blood is seeping out through under his mask.
Ranger: Kiss my ass!
The Ranger screams out again, but Earl, far from wanting to kiss his ass, jumps on the Red Ranger, easily bringing the smaller, injured man down, and drives his fist hard into his head and slams his skull off the concrete again multiple times.
Earl: There!
Altoona screams, as shouts and threats could be heard from somewhere in the distance, but in the room, behind Earl’s back, The Red Ranger is getting up again. Shaky on his feet this time the Ranger is slumped over, but still defiant.
Ranger: You’ve got nothing citizen! You’ll never beat me.
And with one last swing of the pipe Earl connects with the head of one of The Red Ranger knocking him out.
With that Earl exits the room, leaving the Ranger to bleed on the floor.
RANGERS: Oh Dear God.
His stable-mates come rushing into the room screaming for EMT’s as they kneel by their friend’s side.
(-(-(
"Tiny Rubberband" by Butthole Surfers plays and Ingee and Shemlky come out, reciting the Lord's Prayer as they makes their way to the ring.
P. LICKIN: THat's right boys! Don't let them see you squirm!
“VIVE LE CANADA”
Thunderous bass drums ricochet throughout the arena as Rammstein’s “Du Hast” cues up over the PA system. The tandem of Jacque and Jean Paul LaRoque stroll out of the back, both wearing their trademark white and red wrestling singlets, covered by ‘northWest order’ sweatshirts. The LaRoque brothers walk out raising their arms and pumping their fists. Jacque shuffles down the aisle a bit, while Jean Paul shadow boxes his way toward the ring, and raises his arms when they get to ringside. The LaRoque’s get through the ropes and then each sprints past one another and perches atop opposite turnbuckles. Jacque removes his sweatshirt, getting verbal with the crowd, and then begins flexing for the fans in front of him. Jean Paul slaps his chest and hits his head, also pounding his chest, in all efforts of firing up the crowd for the Violence from Vancouver. They head to the adjacent ringposts, bumping fists as they cross paths, and put on another display for those fans. Jacque does multiple flexing poses, Jean Paul ends up grabbing the ropes and bouncing up and down whilst jaw-jacking with the crowd.
JOEY STYLES: The LaRoque's looked real good last week against The American Storm, P.
P. LICKIN: For Canadians.
Jean-Paul and Jacque stand at ringside, when out of the crowd comes Chris Monsoon, Alex Thunder and Crimson Lightening! They all hit the twosome from behind, knocking them down and putting the boots to them. Thunder and Monsoon pick up Jean-Paul and shoot him into the steel stairs, head first, busting him open. They quickly roll him in the ring, screaming at Ingee to cover him as the bell rings. Ingee doesn't want to. Crimson yells at him that they'll come after them next if he doesn't. Ingee scrambles towards Jean-Paul, trips, and knocks himself out, but falls on top of Jean-Paul. The ref counts. ".1 ..2 ...3!!!"
JOEY STYLES: Did... did the Shmelky's just WIN?
P. LICKIN: DIDN'T YOU JUST WATCH WHAT HAPPENED?!?!
Crimson Lightening peels back the padding at ringside, exposing the concrete. Chris Monsoon and Alex Thunder pick up Jacque, and hit a double team DDT on the cold floor. Jacque is out, as Crimson is on the mic...
CRIMSON: YOU SEE! YOU SEE THESE PEOPLE HERE! You fans think THESE are your saviors? That these two can infiltrate our borders, and sneak over! They take the jobs of AMERICAN wrestlers! They bring their French Language and try to make YOU conform, and you CHEER them? Don't worry America... your AMERICAN Television Champions here will ensure that even though you're a bunch of stupid, vampid, drooling slobs who don't know any better, WE... WE will protect you! WE will purge these Canadians back to their foreign lands and commie ways. We'll Parley Voo their France-ay at every instance until they are GONE from these shores of amber waves of grain, and can only see our purple mountains from a distance. Because we're American.. and we're better than YOU!
Crimson drops the mic as the crowd boos loudly, with the camera zooming in on the bleeding foreheads of Jacque and Jean-Paul as we go to commercial....
)-)-)
Vs.
"The Shmelky's"
Ingee Shmelky and Shengee Shmelky
“VIVE LE VANCOUVER”
“VIVE La…ROQUE”
(The VWF goes to commercial...)
(The VWF returns from commercial...)
*The camera opens in Paris, France. A slew of people are walking about. It is a nice sunny day with a slight breeze. Birds are chirping and the atmosphere of baby strollers strolling and sweet couples courting are evident. In the city square is where the camera starts to focus on. A young man: well built, shiny smile and dashingly good looks is standing before the camera. Wearing only an Italia Football jacket and some leather pants, you can see that this man has a body chiseled out of stone. The man takes in a deep breath soaking in the wonderful energy in the air.*
In Paris, France stands the almighty Eiffel Tower. The gorgeous iron lattice that hovers over the beautiful city of Paris shines brightly in the sun with pride and dignity. A structure of 324 meters in height and its 121 years in existence make it a truly astounding work of art. If you ask me, it’s simply “Epic”. Ironically I stand before you today in front of the Eiffel Tower because as you can see, both I and the Tower have a lot in common. We both are works of art but you can already see that. The only difference is I’m a little on the short side but; nonetheless, we are both “Epic”. Also I’m proud to say I’m Georgia grown.
*The man puts a more serious look on his face as he starts to pace around.*
Unfortunately this guy isn’t all million dollar smiles and beautiful looks. This is a guy that you wouldn’t like to see angry. However, I try to remain calm and cool and I escape to places like Paris all the time when things rough. I may buy a yacht today…eh depends on how the weather is looking in about an hour. You know they say the short are the ones with the worse tempers but ever since I’ve discovered the power of currency and champagne, I’ve learned to chill out more. I may not be the tallest but I tower over all of you. I tower with “Epic”ness. I’m too legit to quit baby I’m ahead in this race and on November 15th there will be a dawning of a new era. Mark my words.
*The man throws a rose to the camera as it slowly closes out to the image of the man sitting in front of the Eiffel Tower.*
(The VWF goes to commercial...)
(The VWF returns from commercial...)
(-(-(
"War" by 30 seconds to Mars hits, and Johnny Aggression walks out from behind the curtain. The fans start to cheer as Johnny walks down to ringside. Johnny goes up the stairs and through the ropes. Johnny Aggression stands in the middle of the ring and raises his arm in the air as sparks come down from the ceiling.
JOEY STYLES: Johnny Aggression looks ready for action here tonight, in this heated rivaly he's had with Zach Connors, who he lost the United States Championship to.
P. LICKIN: Their Last Man Standing match at the Bday Bash should be as good as tossing your mom's ankles over her head on a Friday Night.
“Just Close Your Eyes” hits as Zack walks out onto the stage wearing his trademark yellow trunks with black lightning bolts. Zack takes in the boos from the crowd as he spins slowly on the stage before walking down to the ring with a smug smirk on his face. Connors rolls in the ring and Aggression runs and punches Connors. DING DING DING! Aggression puches and Connors staggers. Aggression punches and Connors staggers again. Aggression tries to punch but Connors ducks and Connors returns with a clothesline knocking Aggression down. Both men get up and Connors hits Aggression with a Japaneese Arm Drag locking him in an armbar. Aggression bridges and breaks out of the hold. Both men get up and Aggression kicks Connors in the midsection. Aggression goes for a powerbomb but Connors counters and hits a back body drop on Aggression, that hits the ref too!
P. LICKIN: Isn't it a little early for a ref bump? Where's my script...
JOEY STYLES: Shh! Your mic is on!
Connors punches Aggression in the ribs and then clotheslines him to the outside! Connors dares Aggression to get back into the ring and Aggression says wait. Aggression digs under the ring and pulls out a 20ft ladder putting it in the ring. Aggression digs under some more and pulls out a trash can with various stuff tossing it into the ring. Aggression slides into the ring and Connors hits Aggression in the back of the head with the leg drop! Connors picks up Aggression and sets up for the Case Closed but Aggression back body drops Connors onto the trash can! Aggression picks up Connors and tosses him over the top rope. Aggression exits the ring and stomps on Connors who is seated next to the guardrail. Aggression picks up Connors and tosses him over the guardrail. Aggression jumps on the guardrail just as Connors grabs a steel chair from the crowd and smacks Aggression as he tries to hit a flying clothesline! Connors picks up Aggression and punches him in the head knocking him down. Connors picks up the chair and smacks Aggression in the head as he tries to get up. The fans start to chant "Chair Shot!" Connors asks for a fan's beer and grabs it. Connors takes a sip and waits for Aggression to get up. Aggression gets up and Connors spits beer in Aggression's eyes! Connors then punches the beer into Aggression's head! Connors drags Aggression towards the wall to the wall in the back of the front row seats. Connors tosses Aggression into the wall. Connors waits for Aggression and as Aggression gets up,Connors goes for an angled splash but Aggression shoves Connors into the wall. Connors staggers and Aggression grabs Connors to the backstage area. Aggression goes over by the merchindise section and grabs a Tazz T-shirt choking Connors with it.
P. LICKIN: Irony!
JOEY STYLES: What?
P. LICKINL Oh... uh... that shirt is iron only.
Aggression puts his foot on the back of Connors locking the choke in harder. Aggression grabs Connors and tosses him over the counter. Aggression taunts a fan as Connors shuffles around. Aggression jumps onto the counter and goes for a flying clothesline but Connors hits Aggression with what seems to be...a Aggression action figure! Connors grabs a wheelbarrel full of merchindise and picks up stuff tossing it at the fans saying..."Free stuff!" The crowd comes forward, but they rush forward too quickly, tripping over themselves and falling on Aggression! Fans start to get up, screaming, as Aggression dazzily is found on the bottom, holding some girl by the boobs.
P. LICKIN: GENIUS!
JOEY STYLES: That's molestation!
Connors then slides over the counter and picks up Aggression and tosses him over the counter. Connors slides back over and tosses Aggression head first into the wheelbarrel. Connors then starts to push the wheelbarrel back to the ring through the crowd. Connors picks up Aggression and tosses him over the guardrail. Connors gets on the guardrail and drops back down but Aggression catches him with The Snap Shot as he comes down! Both men are down for a moment, as in the ring the ref comes to. Aggression is up first, grabbing Connors by the head and tossing him into the steel stairs. The ref calls for him to bring it back in the ring, and Aggression rolls him in. Aggression climbs to the top turnbuckle as the crowd cheers him on. He puts his hands out like he's sizing Connors up, and comes off, hitting The Camera Flash as light blubs flash throughout the arena! Aggression hooks the leg and covers. The ref counts ".1 ..2 ...3!!!" )-)-)
(The VWF goes to commercial...)
(The VWF returns from commercial...)
***BOOM!!!***
[Pyro erupts and “Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins kicks into high gear.
The crowd gets to its feet with a mixed chorus of boos and cheers. Moments later, “The Ego Buster” Dan Ryan steps through the curtain, cracking his neck to one side and walking steadily forward toward the ring. Dressed in street clothes, a pair of jeans and a black “ZERO” t-shirt, he has the Intercontinental Title draped over his left shoulder and looks forward only, never taking his eyes off of the ring.
He approaches and leaps up onto the apron, glances slightly to the side at the crowd, then smirks and climbs in.
As the music fades, Ryan reaches for a microphone from a ringside attendant.]
DAN RYAN: So here’s the deal…
[The crowd continues to stir a bit as Ryan lets them settle down.]
DAN RYAN: TD Alexander.
[Boos.]
DAN RYAN: Right. So there I was, having a match when I turn around and see this little midget with a belt come flyin’ at me and hit me in the head. Now, the thing is – TD Alexander is this kid, he’s trying to make a name for himself, he’s never won shit and now, he’s placed himself in a precarious situation.
Now Timothy, the problem here is that you turned, saw me getting up and used extremely poor judgement. You hit me over the head, knocked me down, gave me a headache for a little while and got my attention. I’m not sure you really want my attention, so I’m gonna offer you a deal. I’m gonna grant you a reprieve tonight and at the Birthday Bash. I’ll stay away from you for two shows, but at Crucifiction on November 22nd, if you don’t retract your intention to get involved in my business and personally apologize, I intend to walk to your dressing room and very calmly, very professionally and very plainly… rip your fucking head off.
[Pop.]
DAN RYAN: Now, if you meet my requirements – you can go on about your business, you can continue on your quest to change your usual slot on the shows from BEFORE intermission to AFTER, and we can forget this ever happened. But, since you fired off the first shot, that onus is on you. If you fail to meet these requirements, I’ll send you back to the Land of Awesome in a bodybag. It’s that simple.
[Ryan pauses.]
DAN RYAN: Now then - a little while back, I… in the words of the immortal innovator Scott Matthew Dibiase… latched onto said innovator to boost my own self image.
[Ryan looks around.]
DAN RYAN: I know. I thought it was ridiculous, too. As you know, I could fall into a deep coma and wake up ten years from now still having done more in this business than Mr. Dibiase ever dreamed, but his statement must be true. Everything he says is authentic and comes straight from the experience that losing more matches in the last year than any ‘champion’ in wrestling brings. It’s a statement that only a man like Dibiase, who orchestrated a plan so brilliant, so devious… so… amazing, that after a year under a mask promising such great things, it culminated in the master stroke of… losing three titles and sneaking into a main event title match and… losing – could state.
Wait, what?
No, really. That happened. I have it on tape. Bargain bin.
A guy like Scott Dibiase, who has been freely running his mouth for most of his career with few in the way willing to step up and shut him the hell up – a guy who is so mediocre that if the boys in Hollywood decided to make a series called ‘The Scott Dibiase Show’… he wouldn’t get the part… a guy whose very existence is a mockery of, no… not an homage… a MOCKERY of one of the most well respected names in our industry’s long history…
This man, I latched onto to boost my self image.
Here’s where you made your mistake, Scott. I don’t need anything to boost my self-image. You obviously don’t even take a cursory shot at paying attention, because if you did you’d know that nobody thinks as highly of me as I do. I’m a HUGE fan of me. My self-image is that I’m the best in the world – my proof is that I cave in the noggins of knuckleheads like you like Philadelphians eat cheesesteak – and since you committed the cardinal sin of getting on my nerves, I’m about ready to knock six cans of cheese whiz out of that big, fat head of yours.
Now, the truth is – I don’t need to think things through. I’ve been calling your overrated ass out for over a month now, and you’re just not finding enough time in your busy ‘losing matches unless it’s against a jobber’ schedule to get back to me. Until now. So you signed a blank contract? Good deal, shit-stain. Two seconds after you get that shit over to my office, assuming you can figure out how to use a fax machine, I’ll have it signed and delivered to corporate. And no, I will not make a copy for you so you can have my autograph – like I really need you sellin’ my shit on ebay for a couple grand to support your spray on tan habit.
On Crucifiction, you said an old saying… I should be careful what I ask for. Well, here’s a new saying for you. It goes something like this. You should be careful when you look at me, stand in the same room as me, breathe the same air as me, shop at the same store as me, bank at the same bank, walk in the same park or eat at the same restaurant as me, because from now on, until I decide otherwise, if I see your goofy ass, I’m gonna whoop that motherfucker ON SIGHT.
[Ryan smiles. BROADLY.]
DAN RYAN: For tonight? Like poor little Timothy, you get a reprieve – but at the Bash, you get a preview. You get to feel a little taste of what’s waiting for ya, and Scott… ??
Say hi to Lexi for me.
[Ryan smiles again, then drops the mic to the mat as “Zero” plays again. The crowd pops as Ryan climbs out of the ring and walks up the aisle, only giving slight glances at fans as he heads out.]
(The VWF goes to commercial...)
(The VWF returns from commercial...)
(-(-(
Styles: And now it’s time for what we’ve been waiting for, the main event Crimson Lightening vs. Thomas Halloway. The last time these 2 faced each other, Thomas Halloway…when he was Caretaker…retained his World Title against Crimson at King of the Ring 5 in 2006.
P. Lickin: And that was a hell of a Ladder Match.
Styles: Hey...lets start agreeing on everything starting now.
P. Lickin: I am afraid I don’t agree on that.
The lights dim in the Arena as rolling thunder can be heard throughout the arena. "Don't Hate Me" by Ner Herder starts to play. The lights begin to flash dark red. A single red lightning bolt comes from the ceiling to the top of the ramp, there is Crimson Lightening standing there, looking out. Crimson runs down the ramp and slides into the ring. A mixture of boos and cheers are heard because mainly Crimson is facing everyone’s enemy.
Numerous Crimson lightning bolts strike around the ring when they are suddenly redirected at Halloway’s hand who is standing at the top of the ramp. Halloway walks down the ramp, his eyes glowing, until he throws the bolts back up to the lighting crew, causing the set to explode. We can then see a big burn left behind on Halloway’s hand as he enters the ring.
The ref calls for the bell.
Halloway and Crimson lock up, Halloway spins Crimson around and delivers a back slam. Crimson then delivers a side slam from the ground and headlocks Halloway. Crimson digs his knee into Halloway’s spine. Halloway back kicks Crimson’s other leg, forcing him down. Halloway begins work on Crimson’s arm and slowly delivers and ol’ fashioned Cremator.
Halloway then watches as the entire VWF roster then comes out of the entrance curtains.
Styles: Uh oh….look at this ladies and gentlemen.
P. Lickin: I love gang bangs.
Crimson uses the detraction for a roll up pin, but Halloway immediately kicks out and delivers a kick to Crimson’s midsection and grapples him but Crimson reverses it and delivers a clothesline. Halloway gets up and throws Crimson against a turnbuckle and elbows him. He attempts a Fist from Jupiter but Crimson moves and trips Halloway down and holds Halloway in a Figure 4 leglock. Halloway eventually escapes by wrapping his arm around Crimson’s head and flipping him over. Halloway runs against the ropes and delivers a boot to Crimson’s face. Halloway sees Typhoon Vance attempting to interfere and runs for him, but Vance drops off the ropes at the last second.
Halloway walks into a Crimson Cutter. And then a clothesline. And another. Goes for a third, Halloway ducks and delivers a powerful clothesline, and then knocks Johnny Cedrone off the ring as he attempted to interfere. Crimson delivers a right as Halloway turns around from the distraction. Crimson grapples Halloway and delivers a kick to the front of the face….the front of the face? Alright whatever.
Halloway kicks from the ground and starts delivering many punches and elbows. Halloway grapples Crimson and clotheslines him and scares Phoenix off as he was thrown into the ring by Tazz who found it funny.
Halloway forces Crimson up, Crimson elbows him in the torso 3 times and delivers a Tornado DDT. Crimson performs a falling elbow and a leg drop and goes for a pin. Halloway kicks out after 2.
Crimson forces Halloway up and headbutts him and the two begin to exchange blows. Crimson pokes Halloway in the eye. Ref pulls Crimson over to tell him that wasn’t nice. Alexia then jumps on the ropes and attempts to slap him but Halloway dodges, Alexia then spits in Halloways face.
Halloway wipes his face and Crimson slams it on his knee, forcing Halloway down, and Crimson puts him the Most Painful Submission Move Ever. Halloway eventually gets free by turning over and kicking Crimson off. Crimson bounces off the ropes and into Halloway who grabs him by his neck and goes for a Gravedigger chokeslam, but Kamikazi and Connors halt it by attempting to enter the ring from both sides, but Halloway knocks them both off.
Crimson again takes advantage of the distraction and connects with the Flasher. Halloway kicks out at 2. Suddenly a lot of the roster jump to the ropes to distract the referee. Chris Monsoon then sneaks some brass knuckles to Crimson. He puts them on.
P. Lickin: Duh.
Halloway finally gets up and Crimson connects with a brass knuckled fist. For good measure, Crimson does a falling fist on Halloway after he falls. Crimson throws the brass knuckles out, calls for the ref and goes for the pin.
Halloway immediately kicks out and sits up with a smile on his face, his spinning eyes begin to glow brighter.
Halloway: Oh, you want to compare fists, do you?
Halloway connects with a fierce Fist from Jupiter and then kicks Alex Storm off the ropes. Halloway’s chest scar of Caretaker’s cross begins glow like his eyes. Halloway forces Crimson up and delivers a Devastating Piledriver. Leon Hayze enters the ring and attempts a clothesline but misses and Halloway clotheslines him out of the ring, Jose Ramon enters but Halloway delivers a right and grapples him against the ropes, Ramon however gets out in time before Halloway could go for an attack. Halloway then kicks an interfering Steve Ryan and clotheslines him out of the ring as well.
Styles: Halloway handling the roster well I must say.
P. Lickin: Sure…it’s easy for him when HE’S the one writing the match.
Halloway looks around the ring and goes for a pin after seeing no one else trying to get in. 1……………2……………..thr………….kickout!
Thomas Liger: I’m too Awesome to hang with that crowd.
P. Lickin: I hate when CT puts his characters in commentary.
Halloway forces Crimson up who suddenly trips Halloway and locks him in an ankle lock. After a few minutes of struggle, Halloway grabs the ropes for support to pull his leg free and locks Crimson in his leg and chokes him with it.
Crimson eventually builds up enough momentum trap Halloway his own legs as well and choke him…which makes what they are doing look like a Richard Simmons fantasy.
Rico: Hhhey….don’t be dissin’ my aerobics teacher!
P. Lickin: Figures. Wait…Rico? …AHHHH!
Styles: AHHH!!!!
Rico: AHHHH YES! Hehehe!
The two choke each other nearly to death for several minutes until they both get bored of it and let each other go. The tired athletes…
P. Lickin: HA! Nice one.
The tired athletes exchange blows, Crimson grapples Halloway to a turnbuckle and delivers a running clothesline against it. Crimson then delivers a Death Valley Driver. Crimson climbs the turnbuckle and delivers the High Fever on Halloway.
1………..2…………thr…………kickout!
Crimson can’t believe it, and gets up in frustration and starts kicking Halloway randomly on the ground. Crimson looks to his faction, not knowing Halloway gets up seemingly unaffected by pain. Crimson turns around, and Halloway grabs him the neck and delivers a Gravedigger chokeslam. Alex Storm and Chris Monsoon jump in immediately. Monsoon hits Halloway with brass knuckles and Storm hits Halloway from behind with a chair as the ref calls for the bell. Halloway delivers blows to both of them, as then the entire roster enters the ring and attack him.
Styles: Oh my god! They’re all on him. Look, Cedrone and Alexia, who were against each other now using teamwork to bring everyone’s enemy down.
For several moments, several of the roster take turns performing their finishers on Halloway. Exceot for Tazz…who is choking Phoenix somewhere backstage and screaming “Fucking!” and Phoenix screaming “Scared!” repeatedly.
Suddenly, “Talk About The End” by Anthrax hits as The Viking King comes out and walks down to the ring. The roster makes room for him, as a battered Halloway lays in the ring. Struggling to get up.
Viking King: Well well…so The Viking King is not the only one who cares about His fed, eh? Oh…look at you Halloway. You seem to be having some problems standing up now. Well…lets hope you’ll still be some sort of condition for our match at the Birthday Bash boy, because The Viking King has made a decision, and if you can’t handle this little beatdown that was just delivered to you by His roster, you’re not gonna like it. Because The Viking King hereby makes our match into a Lumberjack Match!
*Fans cheer*
Styles: Holy shit! How long has it been since VWF had a Lumberjack Match.
P. Lickin: Probably since Halloway burned down Headquarters...if you’re catching my drift.
Styles: Sigh…
Viking: That’s right, you and The Viking King…the VWF Roster in His corner and the Army of Devastation in yours. More than fair in His opinion. What do you have to say that, boy? Huh? I can’t hear you….
Viking points his mic to Halloway who is still down.
Halloway: Tha…that…*cough* that is such a great…idea Viking. It even…sort of…impresses me. *cough*
Viking: Well The Viking King aims to please, Caretaker.
Halloway: *cough* No…doubt about that. *cough* But…Viking…*cough* there just seems…*cough* to be something missing. *cough*
Viking: Oh…and what would that the Viking King asks….
Halloway finally is able to stand up…and begins to smile, his flicker everytime he coughs.
Halloway: *cough* A Lumberjack….HANGMAN’S….Match!
Viking: You shit The Viking Kin….fuck it. You’re on! Now…seeing as how everyone got to have their fun on His show…and He’s been retired for years…The Viking King shall have some fun in His fed every once in a fucking while…
Viking King delivers a Viking Driver onto Halloway.
Viking: The Viking King…and the VWF…shall see you Sunday.
Viking and the VWF Roster exit the ring, leaving behind a battered Halloway, who slowly rises up and spits out some blood and watches them leave as the Full House comes to a close.
".1 ..2 ...3!!!" )-)-)
